Blue Light
by moonmythology
Summary: Oneshot. MExile Visas. Visas describes what she saw in the Exile.


**Blue Light**

A/N: I am still new to Visas' character and language. I wish I got her right.

Hope you enjoy reading. :)

Blue. My father told me about blue light. He said that in it was true light, unlike any color. He said that it shines in the noblest people of the galaxy. I saw it in my people. There were Jedi who came to my home planet. Father said that they shine blue light. I saw it shine in them.

I never saw myself as a beauty. That is because I never saw anything at all. I saw everything through the Force. Through the Force, everything was either red, gray or blue. Father said that beauty is defined by blue. That was the color of my world before it changed in one fateful morning.

I remember that morning, the last time light shone on Katarr. When He spoke, every living thing died, as if Creation had been reversed, bleeding all life from the planet I had once known. With his voice, everything was silenced, extinguished. The only things left were ruins, rocks, crags, bodies and me. All that I had been connected to had been severed; I became truly blind. Then he came, the one I call Master.

All the lights that I saw after that were black and red. I wished to die.

* * *

Since I first saw him through the Force, I knew all about his wound. I knew that his wounds somehow matched mine. My Master had sent me to kill him though he was far stronger than me. 

I obeyed, as I always did. When, I saw that He was about to defeat me, I temporarily blinded him, thus enabling him to see. I offered my life for his, begging him to end me, but he wouldn't. He said that he never wanted to hurt me. As I fainted, I heard him shout out orders to another man. I felt him carry me to a bed. He, along with another, treated my wounds. I never felt such tenderness.

As I lay unconscious, I heard several voices talking about me. Some of them warned him of the threat I posed. But he wouldn't yield to them. He defended me as if I meant more to him than a slave. It was the first time in years, I heard someone speak for me.

* * *

On Dantooine, he often sought refuge in the Enclave. I followed him. Because he had cleared the laigreks away, it had become a safer place. He had often meditated by the tree. 

As I traced its roots by my hands, I asked him, "So this is where you grew up?"

"Yes." I heard him move towards me.

"I too had a home. But now it is gone. Since then, I have moved from place to place, following my Master."

"I was indeed privileged to grow up here, but even then, I dreamed of going away. I never felt like I belonged here. So I left. Because of that, I lost everything."

I felt the soft dirty ground with my hands, knowing that someday I would be one with it. Then he took both my hands in his. It seemed like he saw my sadness even though I hid it well beneath my veil.

"What is the matter?" he asked.

I was surprised at first. My Master never inquired of anything about me. "I despise myself. I know you must despise me."

"How could I despise you? I just think that you have a very cruel master."

"He is always hungry, exacting." I sighed. "Yet, I believed in him and his cause. Do you despise me now?"

"I can't, or I would have to despise myself." I felt his face move closer to mine.

"I wished I had died with my race."

"No. You shouldn't wish that…" His fingers brushed my cheeks, as if tears flowed from my absent eyes.

"Tell me what I can do to be forgiven, to atone for everything."

"I think the only way to atone for something is to care for something more than yourself and to work for that."

"Could you care for me, a least a little?"

"I care very much about you. At this point I cannot tell you how much."

"Thank you. Now I am content." At that point, he had become my cause.

Everybody needs a Savior. He had become mine.

Soon, we were called back to the Ebon Hawk. There was some news on the whereabouts of his missing Jedi Master.

* * *

Jealousy sometimes works in strange ways. I had become jealous of the Handmaiden as she is of me. He seemed to spend a lot of time training with her. She was getting to know more about him in ways that I could not. I think he cared for her like he did care for me. 

Once I told him, "She must me fortunate to know a lot to teach you."

"Yes she is." I felt sympathy in his voice, as if he could read my mind, knowing what I felt about her.

"I don't think I have to tell you anything, since you could always read my thoughts."

He didn't say anything. I wished I could read his mind the way he does mine.

"So she is now your purpose, and you have forgotten me."

"No, I can never forget you."

I believed him, and thanked him with all my heart, though my jealousy would never go away.

* * *

He sought to find those who had exiled him. I followed him to different worlds: to Nar Shadaa, to Dxun, to Onderon, and to Korriban. Once on Dxun, he led my hand to trace some flowers. I never really knew how they looked like but he said they looked like me. I wish I can know what they looked like. 

I felt that he is not too unlike my Master. In some ways, they were both hungry, echoing their feelings on others. They both acquire strength through other people's weaknesses.

But he felt a bit different. He was tender, caring. He cared more for others than for himself. He never did anything to hurt others. Sometimes I feel that he could only hurt himself. I felt his pain. He uses it to understand others and to understand himself. I aided him in all his efforts to rebuild the Republic. Somehow, I think, I have learned to care for it as much as he did. He made me see life.

When he found all of his missing Jedi Masters, I think that they did more damage to him then than they did when they first exiled him. I never felt him so lost until then. The Handmaiden took his new master away from him.

I asked him, "What's wrong. Something troubles you. I can feel it."

"I don't doubt it," he replied.

I was surprised at his tone. He was never curt. "That is a strange answer. I do not understand." He turned to me.

"Do you ever wonder why you're with me?"

"I would die for you. When I tell you my life for yours, it is my choice.

And if there is an ending between us, where my sacrifice can save you, it will be because it is my desire, not your will."

"But how do you know?"

"I simply do. And sometimes, there is no reason that can be given. What did you learn within the Jedi Academy?"

He was silent. He let out a sigh. Then, he spoke, "All…the deaths I caused on Malachor…might cause the death of the Force. And…everyone around me."

I paused for a while. Then suddenly, the words came to me: "Then that is the danger of their beliefs. They do not understand you, what it means to be human, to lead. The feelings I have for you are because of what I see, what I hear in your voice, all that tells me you are a natural leader. I follow because I believe in you. I would die for you because I believe in you. And where they look at you and see the death of the Force, I look at you and see hope for all life. I look at you and see that perhaps a life untouched by the Force is not the punishment it is believed to be. I will understand if you feel you must go on alone, but I ask that you do not. Instead, take strength from your connection to others. Do not forsake them, as you did in exile."

"I will, Visas." I started to turn. He suddenly grabbed me and held me in his arms. "Thank you Visas," he said. I could feel him. He was very near to me. I was never near anyone like that. He was warm like morning after a storm. I didn't want him to go away. I wanted him to stay. I feared for him for I knew that the time was near. I think he felt my fear. He released me. "Wait - you are troubled. Why?"

"He awaits you at Telos. If you go there, you must face him. And when you do, he will wound you as he has wounded me."

He turned his back to me. "I have to face him."

"I ask you... I beg you. To stay here, with me."

I heard him turn. "Why?"

"I want to look upon you, where no one else can see, where it is just _us_. I want to see your face, the color of your skin. I wish to see what _she_ sees when she looks at you that causes her heart to race, and her tone to change. What causes her to forsake her heritage, her oaths... as you made me forsake mine. I... need to know if perhaps I am wrong, if the universe is not as my Master once showed me."

"The universe is not solely as our eyes make it out to be, Visas. You know this." He caressed my face with his hands.

"From the moment I heard your voice across the galaxy, I have longed for you. It is the echo, a wound that travels still, that when heard, made me understand that there was another wounded as I was, one who had felt the same sense of loss. When I heard it, I loved you more than my own life. And I wanted you to be here with me, for as long as you will let me love you. Stay. And I want you to see what I see when I gaze upon you. I want you to know why I cannot look at you, and why I am drawn to you."

He paused for a moment and then said, "Then let us look upon each other."

We sat together. When I looked at him through the Force, then I saw it. It was the first time in many years that I saw blue.

* * *

The moment arrived. We went back to the ship that was once my prison. In my cell, I have finally made peace with my ancestors. I felt that they have forgiven me. My body became a prison no longer. 

He finally met my Master. I felt his hunger and emptiness suffocate me once more. I begged my Master not to harm him. I was willing to suffer for him, to die for him. But he would not let it be so. He encouraged me to fight my old Master with him. Although I felt weak in the presence of my Master, through him, I grew stronger. When he delivered the final blow, I saw my old master die. He let me see my old master. As I removed his mask, I saw that my Master was nothing more than a man, not very different from him. I wondered who my Master was before he became who he was in his death. Red electric flames engulfed him, and he was no more.

I followed him, my new Master.

* * *

He had to face his own master. He defeated and saved her. In her death, no one felt her loss more than he did. He had to do what he did for the sake of the galaxy although it caused him so much pain. When his blade pierced her body, it was as if he pierced himself. 

As he came out from the Core's red center, I felt his deepening wounds. From the sound of his footsteps, I knew that he was leaving.

"You are leaving?" I asked. "I... I would come with you, if you will allow it."

There was a deep sadness in his voice. "You... cannot come with me. I need someone to stay here at the edge of known space, and show others the way."

"Others?"

"Kreia spoke of Revan, and another war that waits beyond the Outer Rim," he replied with a sense of urgency. "You must gather forces here, and wait."

All I could do was follow. "I will do as you ask. If it is important to you, I shall see it through." I knew the answer, but I had to ask: "Your journey, will you return?"

He sighed. "Where I go, I cannot take anyone I care for. You must remain, for others will come."

With that, he left. I never got a chance to touch him, to look upon him one last time. It was as if he didn't want me to see him. As he walked away, his footsteps were slow, as if something was pulling him back to me. But he was stronger than that, as I have always believed him to be.

I remain here, waiting.

* * *

I have always wondered what I had looked like in his eyes. Perhaps I will never know if he loved me. But I knew that I would have given my life for him. Because in him, I saw blue. 


End file.
